


have my back (everyday)

by renjaune



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, But just a little, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Platonic Relationship, minor noren, platonic nomin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:26:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28862511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renjaune/pseuds/renjaune
Summary: to love and to be loved in the same measure is the greatest miracle there is in the world
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	have my back (everyday)

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what i'm doing, but enjoy 
> 
> thank u [lua](https://twitter.com/pinkhrj) for betaing this and basically existing, bro i love u 
> 
> [summary](https://twitter.com/ki_jaemjen/status/1333834616046821377?s=20)

They are twenty-nine and they’ve been together for what feels like forever  — but it’s in fact sixteen years.  _ Together,  _ Jeno analyzes, they haven’t been together per-se, but they have been. 

Jaemin called Jeno last night at three in the morning, and Jeno’s phone rang as Jaemin’s number is the only one set to do that. His friend wasn’t crying at the other end of the phone, but the crack his voice made when he said the words  _ we broke up _ let Jeno know nothing was going well. Jeno reassured Jaemin everything would be okay, even if he wasn’t sure of it, and made him promise he would hop in his car and drive across town to Jeno’s place as soon as the sun was up. Jaemin promised, and Jaemin always keeps his promises. 

They had gone their different ways a few years back, out of college and into adult life, they planned on continuing their life apart from each other, but never once missed their scheduled calls and breakfast dates every week  _ to keep in touch _ even if they talked almost every day. 

“The thing is,” Jeno heard Jaemin tell his then-boyfriend once, “we don’t need to talk every day to know we have each other’s back, even if I like to do bother him on the daily.” And Jaemin’s boyfriend was a bit skeptical about it at first, but it’s bonds like the one they have, nobody can really go against. 

And now it's almost midday and Jeno is still awake since the call woke him up. He has since drank two cups of coffee and a few more of tea, he has done laundry and fixed the entire apartment and started and abandoned a book. He’s nervous and he’s sad and he’s anxious about what his friend is going through. 

He rang Renjun earlier, before his boyfriend got into work, trying to update him on what was going to happen over the next few days, and Renjun understood, he always did. 

“He hasn’t been receptive the last couple of days, right?” Renjun asked after Jeno told him about the call.

“Yeah.”

The new cover Jeno had just put on the bed was really interesting that morning, making him unable to pay attention to anything else.

“It’s okay, he’s going to you now. You can figure this shit out,” Renjun always tried to give Jeno solutions when he couldn’t see them himself, and Renjun’s soothing voice definitely helped Jeno ease some tension, “just give him some time to relax and open up. If he had been keeping this from you for a few days, it means he has already thought about it all. Just give him time, don’t overwhelm him, and he’ll speak when he needs it. Okay, babe?” 

“Yeah, okay.” 

“Great, I need to leave now. I’ll call you when I’m off work, I love you.” 

Renjun didn’t wait for Jeno to say it back, he knew Jeno wouldn’t. 

That's the thing about Jeno and Jaemin: once one of them is going through a rough patch, both of them are; and even if they can go on defense mode, or nurse mode, or therapist mode, the things they go through ends up affecting them both. 

Jeno read a book about soulmates once, and he didn’t believe in it. _Believe_ was a strong word for him, there wasn’t any proof of what the book said. Jeno believed in science, his career was based on science, he had spent the last ten years surrounded by it, he believed in facts he could prove. But then he crossed paths with Renjun, who lent him that book and taught him lots of things and different points of view, and Jeno tried to understand, but he went after the facts proving those theories every single time. He _could_ _believe_ in astrology, he could at least try to believe in the crappy horoscope tweets Jaemin sent him every week, but soulmates? Not as tangible.

When Jeno's doorbell finally rings, his heart skips a beat. His hand tightens around the mug he's been holding for an hour now and let’s go a second after. He breathes in and out two times, filling his lungs with air and trying to let go of all the bad thoughts he has as he exhales. Jeno won't lie, he is scared. He has seen Jaemin go through break ups, maybe more than any of them would like to admit, and he's been by his friend’s side every time. But he also knows how bad it hits Jaemin, even when he's the one breaking things up.

Jeno is scared to open that door, to see his best friend in pieces, but he stands up and walks the few steps between him and his best friend. He walks to the door and holds the handle before opening it up, and when he does all he sees is devastation.

Jaemin is there, dark bags under his eyes, worse than the ones college used to leave on both of them, and shoulders so low nothing would stay there. He's just standing, a small bag Jeno recognizes as Jaemin's ex's rests beside him on the floor and Jaemin doesn't look like it matters anymore.

He's sad, Jeno can see it, anybody could see it, even if they didn't know Jaemin at all, but Jeno can't make himself say anything. They just stand there, looking at each other, like they have done so many times before, one second away from making their worlds collide and making the thunderstorm inside them disappear in an instant. Jeno craves it, he wants to hold Jaemin and feel both their hearts synchronize, but he doesn't.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," is the only thing that leaves Jaemin's mouth, and Jeno has to hold himself back from calling him a stupid idiot.

"It's okay. C'mon in," he words instead.

Jeno moves to the side before picking up the unwanted bag, and he is dying to stop Jaemin right there and reassure him everything will be okay, but he knows his friend and that it won't help, he knows he needs to give Jaemin some time, he knows that if he hugs Jaemin right now, Jaemin will start crying and nothing will be able to stop him, not even Jeno's great chocolate chip cookies recipe.

"You made your stupid cookies."

He did. They are still warm when Jaemin reaches the kitchen aisle. The entire apartment smells like them, it would be very hard not to notice.

"I also made some coffee, I'll pour you some."

Maybe at twenty-nine Jeno would assume things and talks would be easier, but he has never been good at them. He lets Jaemin decide when it's a good time and worries about feeding him and making him feel at home first. After all, they picked up that apartment together, it was Jaemin who fell in love with it and Jeno.

"It looks beautiful," Jaemin interrupts Jeno's train of thoughts, bringing him back to reality, "you really got that giant mirror I recommended. It looks great."

Jeno has been getting almost everything Jaemin recommended, partly because Jeno knows nothing about interior design, and partly because he doesn't care enough about it.

"Thank you," he replies, "I have a really good designer."

And Jaemin smiles. Jaemin smiles and the entire room lights up with him. He smiles and Jeno can't help but smile too. He has missed the domesticity Jaemin brings everywhere he goes, but he has missed his friend's happiness even more.

"I'll get you some stuff and you can go get a shower and make yourself at home," Jeno says and, before disappearing through the door, he adds, "Renjun won't be around today."

It's not like Jaemin minds Renjun being around, in fact, it was him who persuaded Jeno to make the first move many years ago but, when things go south, Jaemin likes to be alone, and the only one allowed to break that wall he puts up around himself is Jeno.

Jaemin can feel Jeno has been trying to create a safe environment for him to rest and get better in, he has done it for Jeno multiple times before and, even if he doesn't say it out loud, he's thankful for the cookies, and for the warm coffee, and the nice towels on his favorite color Jeno left on top of Jaemin's bed, and for all the little details that come from years and years of going through life together.

When Jaemin is done showering, he first goes after the rest of the cookies and then makes his way to see what Jeno's doing. He finds Jeno tucked in bed, reading glasses on and phone in his hand.

"Nice pjs," Jeno says as soon as he crosses the door, without even bothering to look at Jaemin, "looking pretty dumb if you ask me."

Jaemin groans as he gets into bed next to him and offers him a cookie Jeno politely rejects.

"I recommended it because I thought Renjun was going to be the one wearing it," Jaemin says, "that's why I picked the funny hippo."

"It's not a hippo," Jeno corrects him, "and you knew he would never put those on."

"You offend me, you know?"

"I know."

They sit in silence for a few minutes, a silence they both know too well to be uncomfortable with. Jeno doesn't need to say anything for Jaemin to know how he feels, and Jaemin doesn't either, but he swallows the last bit of cookie he has left and starts.

"I'm glad I have you," Jaemin says, trying to ignore the lump in his throat that announces he won’ t be able to hold the tears he's been putting off for days anymore. And Jeno stops typing but still doesn't look at him. "I'm glad you've been by my side for this many years."

"That's what we do."

"I love you, Jeno."

Jaemin hears himself say those words he hasn't said in months. When love is such a strong word for people that are falling out of it, saying it feels like lying. But there, lying in bed next to his best friend since middle school, there's no better or more fitting thing to say. Jaemin does love Jeno, he loves Jeno with his entire soul and body, he is grateful they were able to grow up together and become the men they are today, even if they had to cry multiple times and bake cookies for each other and get dumb pajama sets. They have gone through so much together that maybe this is where they belong: next to each other, existing around each other, being ready to let the other person fall on his knees and lend him a hand to stand up again.

Jeno doesn't reply but Jaemin knows Jeno loves him too, he knows Jeno loves him every day when his phone lights up asking how his day has been, he knows Jeno loves him every time he picks up his phone at 3am and gives Jaemin advice and waits up and bakes and keeps the coffee warm for Jaemin. And Jaemin would do the same for Jeno, in the blink of an eye.

"To be able to exist around you," Jeno says, voice almost inaudible, as it only belongs to them and Jaemin feels like nobody else would be worthy enough to listen, "and being able to grow up and love and be loved by you is a privilege I will never take for granted."

And Jeno has never been one to initiate physical touch, but he has always been a fan of holding hands, and Jaemin's hand fits perfectly in Jeno's. And maybe, just maybe, in that apartment, with tears on their eyes and their past holding them together, there's finally some proof that soulmates exist. 

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](https://twitter.com/_renjaune_)   
>  [cc](https://curiouscat.me/_renjaune_)


End file.
